The Importance of Communicating Love Language -do you know how your partner expresses love?

Hello lovely people – it’s been a long long while but this is something that was so important I had to come back to starting my blog again. So here it is:

Why are there people who are happily married and ones who aren’t?

A wise friend once told me that there are 5 love languages. I didn’t really realize the importance of it till I was observing my best friend and her fiancé yesterday.

My best friend and I met in NY and lived together – but I moved back to Japan and she moved back to Korea. She started seeing her fiancé about three years ago, and I’d been seeing them together through SNS but I had never met him in person till she got engaged and she brought him all the way to Korea to introduce him to me.

I spent two days with them, full 48 hours – (I had to third wheel the poor newly engaged because of my hotel employee discount situation. Ha, ha, ha,) and  I learned that they are truly, truly great together.

Sure, it’s almost too obvious they belong together – they both love traveling, they genuinely enjoy being around each other, they both comes from similar background – as working actors (they met on set), and their preferences in lifestyles and living are very similar.

But I realized something more important, something more important for lasting happiness in couples.

That long term happiness is built on small, everyday happiness, or, instant satisfactions and candid and seemingly not-so-important moments.

In short, it’s important that if you give gestures of love to someone, they should either reciprocate it or accept it. 

The five love languages which are those that follows below in the photo.

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Each person speaks love language differently. 

It’s important to learn your partner’s love language – so when they’re giving it to you, you’ll recognize that that is the way of how they communicate love. 

For example, I give gifts to everyone who I love – friends, family and partner. Most just accept these gifts, but my father always say “why did you buy these? It’s unnecessary.” Granted he’s my father so of course I’m not gonna stop loving him but when he responds that way, I do feel rejected or even feel punished by feeling guilty. That I tried to make dad happy, but I did something wrong, because I ended up upsetting him.

Actually, physical touch is more special love language to me, because I only give it to one I romantically love. Physically holding them, being held by then gives me instant satisfaction. Therefore, when I am rejected to physically touch or hold them, I feel as if my love is rejected- that’s because touch is my way of expressing love. 

I believe people who stays happily together longer have those love language communication mastered between them. 

It’s okay that if you guys express love in different manners, but what’s crucially  important is that you have to recognize your partner’s love language and when it’s given to you. Please see that they are expressing their love, and please accept it and maybe if you can, reciprocate it – or simply, just say thank you. Just give them some sort of sign that you appreciate their love communication. When they’re expressing love, it’s a person’s most vulnerable moment. If one is rejected of their love language, they would feel like being punched in the heart- well at least to me – it does feel like it. My heart sinks. 

Learn to recognize your partners love language first, if you want to stay with that person for long long time.

I really appreciated being around my best friend and fiancé because made me realize what’s been bugging me. I simply just needed my love language to be understood and accepted.

I hope this will help everyone who had been just lost at communicating love – because it gets frustrating when it feels like your partner just doesn’t get you.

Maybe you are tiny bit guilty not hadn’t been to understand why your loved one seems upset.

 

Now practice away!! Love and be loved, express them your love language and accept their love 😉

 

thanks everyone,

until next time 🤗💝

Erina

Why do people toss their shoes over power lines? Here’s the answer

Last night I was walking in LES with my friend, and she said, “Look up!! How cute!”

I looked up, and saw a teddy bear hanging with bunch of shoes over power lines.

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And I wondered… why do people do that? I researched because I was so curious and came across this short film: The Mystery of Flying Kicks, by Closer Productions.

(Link at the end of this post.)

It gathered theories from all over the world:

– someone lost his virginity.

– gang is tagging the neighborhood

– a gang lost their members and is remembering them

– someone quit their job or moved so hang their shoes for memories.

A professor said (in the film:) “It’s as if we live on through memory. [Whether] you leave something on a wall or that you leave a shoe somewhere, you have proven to yourself that you exist.” – Marcel Danesi.

We all are looking for the meaning of our existence, we seek it in our career, human connections, children, art… books, buildings, photographs or videos… we all want to leave a trace of our existence in this world. That we were here. We all want to be remembered in some way, because we only have limited time in our life. (Although I wish I could live forever…)

So that’s why some people do it. To remember someone, or to remember their memories.. to mark and leave something behind, to let the world know… “we were here.”

Thank you for visiting, until next time… 🤗

Love,

Erina

Instagram: @erina_actress

Invaluable Messages in Okinawan Songs

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Hai-sai!! (Hello in Okinawan language.)

Okinawa is known for its longevity, and people believe its because of  locals’ healthy diet.

It is also one of the most peaceful place on earth, where everyone is calm, sweet, caring and relaxed.

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And today, out of blue, I thought of Okinawan songs that have invaluable messages – which is so unique and different from urban lifestyle mentality. And I wanted to share it with you, it might mean something to you as much as it does to me.

  1. Kogane no Hana (Flower Made of Gold)

It’s about a story of a young man, who heard about a place where there’s a tree that grows flower made of gold. He dreams of becoming rich, and he leaves his home  (Okinawa) and his family behind.

“Pure and simple people,

People with clear and beautiful eyes –

Don’t cloud your judgement by golden flower and wealth –

Golden flowers disperse and perish…

Are you happy at work?

Are you healthy and well?

Do you have money in case of sickness?

Be careful of people who take advantage of you.

Oh pure and simple people,

People who speak different languages…

Don’t let golden flowers discolor your heart

Golden flowers disperse and perish…

What kind of flowers grow in your home country?

The gift the gods haven given us –

It probably isn’t money.

Simple and pure people,

Let real flowers grow in your heart.

Don’t throw your heart away for gold,

Golden flowers eventually perish.

Don’t throw away your heart for gold,

Let the real thing blossom in your heart.”

… what did you guys think?

When my Okinawan best friend sang this in karaoke, it hit my Almost-New-Yorker-Heart really hard. What have I become? What is most important in life? Is it money, success, freedom? Or family and love, care for one another and human connections?

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Of course I want to make my dreams come true. But I learned that I can do that while I cherish those important things – human connections and love for those who are around me and cares about me.

Call your family, if you have someone – family is blood and friends and people whom you value. Let them know time to time, that you appreciate and love them. Because we only live once.

Thank you for visiting my post, until next time… (^3^)-v

Love,

Erina

Celebrate Women with Us

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Women: our beauty shines through our eyes and souls; not from how our bodies are shaped or look, because they change overtime…

Our strength comes from our intelligence, love and care for others. That would never change.

When we love, we love unconditionally and will always be there by your side. Celebrate us with us; and see us through our eyes and souls – not by how we are shaped outside.

Inspired by this beautiful mural I found on #frenchmenstreet in #neworleans

Thank you for visiting!! Until next time🤗

Love,

Erina

 

 

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